The Plama Dude's Hobo Journal

JESUS!

2005-12-05T12:48:00.000-08:00

Hi, guys! I haven't been around because I got a real job working at Taco Bell. Anyway, I was drinking some Doctor Thunder from Smith's the other day, and I looked into the bottom of the cup, and what did I see?
JESUS!
That's right,
JESUS!
Pitcures will come as soon as I can find somebody who will take a digital pitcure and send it to me.

New OTHER Contest

2005-10-18T07:34:00.000-07:00

A Short Notice: Along with submitting a Logo for this site, you may also (or seperately) submit an application for the highly sought after post of the Plamadude Offical Fanclub President. Here is the short questionaire to fill out and submit:

1: What is your name?

2: What is your REAL name?

3: Where do you live?

4: What is your stance on home deficient persons?

5: Do you visit the library often?

6: Have you read Chapter One of my story?

7: Can you correctly spell the main character's name?

8: What will you bring to this fine orginazation?

9: How often do you eat at Taco Bell?

10: On a scale of 1-10 (10 the best) how would you rate the Albuquerque Public Bus System?

Thank you all in advance.

The Harowing Tales of Buglar: Book I....The Begining

2005-10-18T07:16:00.000-07:00

Chapter One: The Great Bug Himself

It was a cold, mist-laden morning that saw Haraqueeem Arcaprencival Kidally-Oglethorpe III into the great audience chamber of the High Lord Buglar. Lord Buglar was not accustomed to having anybody under the age of fifty enter his audience chamber on such short notice, but there it was. This Oglethorpe had discovered a new star system within the bounds of the Empire, and the great Lord Buglar wanted to confer upon the young explorer a great honor. Not only had he found new territory for the empire's use, but in this territory lived a previously undiscovered civilization called Humans. Buglar loved nothing more than exterminating and enslaving any new race that came within his clutches, so he had decided to let the boy have a short audience.
Haraqueeem Kidally-Oglethorpe (III) was of an altogether different mind, however. He had seen the Humans: they were pitiful and weak, and desreved to be left alone. His mission today was to...tell the Emperor that he should hold back. Not a task he relished!
It was in such a state of mind that Haraqueeem entered the caverns of the Great Palace and was escorted into the Den of the Emperor.

So! What do you think? More to come soon!

Croissants are More Like Tacos Than Pizzas are. Trust me.

2005-10-17T08:34:00.000-07:00

Author's Note: Upon arguing with a friend about the subject, I wrote up a brief precis of my argument upon the subject:

In discerning which food is more like the other, there are many factors we must consider. Most important in this inquiry is the fact that I, Christopher Dietler Plama, am always right, no matter what. Second, we must consider my ego: how bruised will it be if I am wrong? Seventh is the size, fourth and lastly, the volume of bread, sixth, the ethnic origins, ninth, the changeability of toppings, third, the preparation, and first, the serving size. Remember; if I were as tedious as a king, I would I could find it within my heart to bestow all my tediousness on you. (Remember Shakespeare?)
So now we come to our first valid point: the serving size. This crucial element for tacos and croissants is the same; they are each meant for only one person. The pizza, however, is meant for many. There are many foreign variants of the pizza that are meant for single people, but the average American pizza, large, is about 22.374 ± 0.236 feet across. In extenuating circumstances (such as last Saturday night at Dion’s), this may be for just one person, but rarely is that the case.
Next, we come to the size and shape of these fine dishes. You will notice upon rigorous inspection that most croissants and tacos are half-moon shaped, whereas pizzas are full moons. The likeness of the half-moon in the shaping of the croissant and the taco are very symbolic--almost as if they were made to be smashed together to make the full moon. Also, the taco and the croissant are rolled into their shape, where the pizza is flattened. Tacos and croissants folded over themselves, and while you could do this with a pizza, the difficulty involved in holding such a large food item folded would be too much work for most Americans.
The point may be made that singular pieces of pizza are much more like the Croissant than the whole pizza, but this argument is fatally flawed. The single piece of pizza is shaped much like a doorstop which (to the discerning viewer) is almost entirely unlike a half moon. The serving size is the only discernable similarity that gets heightened by separating the piece. While the slice is a smaller piece of food, the composition remains the same and therefore gains no similarity in that regard.
Scientific studies have shown that the volume of bread is quite different in these three food items. The croissant may seem bready, but have you ever squashed on one? They’re mostly air. The pizza, however, has a lot of bread which cannot be easily compressed. A crack team of physicists at the B.S. college of Arts and Sciences are working nearly round the clock to find the equations that govern the density/squashability of bread products. Their early results with pizzas, tacos, and croissants support my arguments almost to the letter.
The preparation and the changeability of toppings are inextricably interconnected. Tacos and croissants are prepared in a buffet style, but the pizza is baked with set toppings on it which cannot easily be changed after the baking process. It is easy to see the similarities between the taco and croissant: toppings are arrayed in front of the eater, and they may choose which ones to put on or take off. Pizza, on the other hand, is set in its toppings except for shakey cheese and pepper provided by most restaurants. Pizza also has a cheese/sauce base whereas tacos and croissants (stuffed croissants in this instance) have a meat or sometimes cheese base. They may both employ sauce, (salsa is a very good example) but the sauce is not a major or even a necessary part.
Lastly, the ethnic origins are very important. The taco is almost exclusively Mexican, the croissant is almost exclusively French, but the pizza is an odd hybrid. The American pizza is a cross of American, Italian, and French traditions (the best pizza I’ve ever had was in Paris). This conclusively proves that pizza, while a brilliant idea and blend of cultures, is ultimately a “mutt,” while the taco and croissant are “purebreads.” These two food philosophies are completely different, though one is no less valid than the other.
So, I hope that you begin to see my point: I am right all the time, so there’s no use arguing. In the end, I would like to acknowledge that pizza and tacos are far superior foods to plain croissants, and neither should be downgraded. The nearest Italian relative of the pizza to the croissant is the calzone which is considered in most circles to be a most excellent food. Let the truth be known.

So as you can see, Croissants are CLEARLY more like tacos than Pizzas are. My friend knows absolutely nothing about these intricate culinary matters. Thank you for your time.

Need a Logo--help wanted

2005-10-17T08:21:00.000-07:00

Hello loyal Hobofanites! This newest post is to announce the begining of a contest to create a logo for this most excellent site!!!!!

Aren't you excited?

DIdn't think so...
But, anyway...
Some specifications:

1: Entry must have either Albuquerque Public Library or one of Albuquerque's fine public transportation vheicles OR a taco bell taco emblazoned on the front. (pssst: all three will score you extra points)

2: Must be submitted digitally to Plamadude30k@yahoo.com or plamadude30k@gmail.com WITH the words PLAMALOGO in the subject of the email. The document should be in one of the following formats:
PSD, JPEG, GIF, or TIFF
Vector graphics would be appreciated (but not necessary)

3: Submission must have a cool "Plamadude Slogan" writ upon it in a cool font.

4: Please submit Name and Location (city) with submission.

5: You can submit either a circular Patch design or a horizontal banner design. I will be accepting applications for both, and depending on quality, I may choose one of each!

6: Submission must be in by November 15. Winner(s) will be notified by email by November 30 and have their entry posted soon thereafter. There is no other prize (except honor). Good luck!!!!!!!

Library Woes

2005-08-25T20:52:00.000-07:00

Agg! I've been having woes at the library! It's hard to find time to come here because people have been on the computers constantly. So I read some books, and was inspired to write poetry. Here goes nothing:

Hurriedly I sat
to wait for the bus
filth on wheels
it creaks to a stop
while a greasy mop of rags
still reeling from the inner
...
ambiance
...
drops out like a
newborn
pile of rags
and I lean to the driver
saying
"I'll wait for the next one."

What do you think? It comes straight from my own expierences. If anybody knows Albuquerque, they will agree with my assessment.

Crazy times!

2005-06-13T21:24:00.000-07:00

You guys will not believe this, but my brother Gary dropped by a while back and took me up to boston with him! I still don't really know what to say! He's become a great sucess, and he lent me a bit of money. That money allowed me to take a break from my usual daily activities, and search for a job! I was without luck, though. Apparently, this is one of the hardest summers to get a job ever, so I'm holding on to the rest of the money he gave me, and I'll go back to my usual work. Oh well!

p.s. I lost the script I had for the Buglar story! Still looking, but hope seems to have flitted away.

Been gone, but now I'm back!

2005-06-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

My brother, Gary Plama made an unexpected visit, and brought me on a vacation to New England! I don't have time now, but it was an interesting visit! More to come as soon as I'm rested enough to think clearly.

Anual Hike

2005-05-11T19:48:00.000-07:00

I bet that you all noticed that I've been gone for a while. I forgot to tell you that it was again time for my anual hike. Every year I gather up enough food and water to last me a couple of days, and I hike on up the mountain. This year was a good hike, even though it was a bit windy. I usually take the trail up in a couple of days to give myself time to aclimate. When I reach the top, I don't stay long, because it gets really cold up there. I hiked halfway back down this year (usually it's a little bit more, and the next day I set up a camp near the base of the mountain. On the last day I hiked out, but would you believe it, it took me longer to get back to the library than it did to get up the mountain. I picked up some cash on the way, though. Wow. I'm really tired, so I'm going to go sleep now.

WTF?

2005-04-25T21:15:00.000-07:00

Wow. I've been away recently because I've been contemplating how to tell you this. It's a long story, but worth telling. It all started on wednesday when I was out by Paseo again. Things were not looking up, viz, people were a bit grumpy and not so inclined to give handouts in cash form.

HOWEVER!!!!!

The oddest thing happened that day. Somebody threw a water bottle out to me. Unopened, 1 liter. AMAZING! Have you ever seen anything like that? Well, I hadn't, but I drank it. It seems that some other driver saw this kind act of charity and decided to chuck me his bannana!

I believe now that the stars were aligned to freak me out, because after the bannana episode (I ate it, of course) I headed on over to the nearest Taco Bell, and much to my surprise, there was another home deficient person who was not quite in his right mind. By the way, where does that come from, right mind? Is it political propaganda by the republicans? You know, this one guy I met told me that they put special chemicals into the stuff that comes out of the back of airplanes to make us more malleable to their evil suggestions. It makes sense to me, I mean, half of the U.S just suddenly becoming stupid enough to vote for Bush! Wow, man. Deep.

Oh, I'm working on the first bit of my new story with Buglar! Coming soon!

Massive Improvement

2005-04-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

Today was much better than yesterday. As I see it, the fiction section is simply chock full of good reads! I don't know why I didn't think of this before!! And, You know, during one of my down times, I was thinking about the benifits of living in a library: the one that plainly sticks out is that in no time at all, I will be as well read as any urban socalite who visits book clubs every month!
One of the drawbacks, however, is putting up with those library ladies all the time. I've had to think up new places to hide every morning when they come in so that they don't catch me. I can't reveal my usual places because they may get a hold of this information, and then I would be out on the street before you could say Buglar!

Which reminds me, I was thinking of writing a fiction book where the evil person is named Buglar. What do you think? Just leave comments on this post, and maybe I'll get it going! Ooh, and I could post new stuff here! Yet another use of this site!

P.S. THis computer has a sticky shift key, so if you see double capitalised words, don't worry, it's the computer's fault.

Crazy People

2005-04-18T10:14:00.000-07:00

Why are there so many crazy people around? I mean, I think I'm having a conversation with this person, and she just keeps on talking. What is up with this? Oh, and have you ever noticed those people who stand out on corners with nice signs and collection buckets? YEAH, THEY'RE PROBABLY NOT HOMELESS. Get me? NOT homeless. Maybe jobless. I wish they would stop loitering on my turf, it's not good for buisness.
Yesterday sucked worse than suck itself. Check this out: I was out at Taco Cabana getting handouts, and this guy comes up to me and takes all my money!! And then, this other guy asked me for money. It's like the whole world is crazy! Especially the president! What the heck! I have a better vocabulary and diction than he does! I'm dissapointed in this country. Which reminds me, visit the Fnorkin Daily Rant. It is suitably angry and allows me to vent my feelings (usually to a random stranger) with coherence and clarity. Check it out.
In other news, I found a great book called "The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy." Far from being nonsensical (as the reviews online said), I found it quite interesting and fulfilling. I know someone who's house was bulldozed, and I can tell you that they would've "squelched" in the mud if they had had the chance. I look forward to being able to finish the trilogy of five between the end of this week and the begining of next. Tiddely-tonk!

Interesting Times at the Library!

2005-04-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

You would not believe the wierd looks that I get from normal people in the library! I mean, come on!
Anyway, I've moved on from the children's book section to the fiction section. Nothing much else to report, except the fact that I think that I will only be able to update on weekends, due to my "work" hours. Oh Yeah! I met another similarly home deficient person like myself. I can't really make out what she said, but I gathered that she lives in the library just like me. Exciting!

Today was good

2005-04-12T14:10:00.000-07:00

Today, I got $78.50 just waiting out by Paseo Del Norte!! I should remember that spot. I've decided to move into the library instead of living in my old box out under the freeway. This way, I have access to the computers whenever, and I can get a free drink whenever (think water fountains). I just have to befriend the librarians (which, given my current situation, may be a little hard).
Speaking of food, I must say that I was so happy the day they came out with the dollar menu at McDonalds. At least it's something I can afford.
But, of course, the best thing about today was the fact that I started this wonderful site. Now I have somewhere to tell the world about all of the crazy stuff that happens to me. Thanks, guys!

Hi, I'm Chris

2005-04-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

My name is Chris Plama, I live in Albuquerque, NM, and I am what most people would call a Hobo. I went to school through high school, but I could not find a job and here I am. I usually live under the freeway overpass, unless the cops are out, in which case I sleep in people's backyards. I acess the computer at the public library (another good place to lie low, even though it does get crowded sometimes, and the library ladies don't like me very much.) WHich reminds me: If I ever cut off an entry in the middle of a sentence, it probably means that I have to go because them ladies are looking at me. Like now. Bye!